Thursday, February 2, 2012

You Named Your Kid WHAT???????

Not so long ago there weren't that many first or Christian names going around, so there were millions of people sharing the same names.  For a little example, Mary, Edward, Elizabeth and the like.  Once people started to move around the globe a bit more they obviously intermingled with others from different countries and cultures - and hey!  We had new first names for our children.  To the absolute delight of people (like me) who have Genealogy as their abiding passion.

There have always been strange names registered for kids, and often it was down to something simple, like the accent of the person registering the baby - or the fact that the registrar couldn't spell too well - or the fact that it was quite a while before spelling of names was actually regularised!   In the past years though, some decidedly weird names have been cropping up, and not only those chosen by the 'pop stars'  and 'film stars'  of the world.   David Duchovny and Tea Leoni called their boy Kyd. Sometimes I wonder if the ones who chose the names actually thought about what will happen to their offspring once they start school.    Perhaps nobody will notice, and they won't get teased and tormented - because there are so many peculiar names out there!

One of my most UNfavourites was chosen by someone in USA - she decided that her daughter would be called CATATONIA.  Because it sounded peaceful?  Um.  I guess if you are catatonic you really are peaceful.  Probably so much so that once you decide to rejoin the world they stuff you into a straight-jacket.   Another little gem is CALLIOPE.  The parents thought it sounded pretty.  Anyone who has ever heard a calliope would wonder at their choice!

I am thinking of all the really sad names for poor kids, like Satchel and Apple etc.  What is it with these parents?  Do they get so stumped for a nice name that they just name the kid after the first object they see?  Oh look darling!  Let's call him Burst Condom!

"What did you call her?" gushes the neighbour "Mouldy Plum" replies mother proudly! Whaaat?  Well it was her craving for plums, you see.  And all she could find in the fruit bowl was a mouldy one...

There has always been a fashion for naming children after cities and towns - a guy I met was named after the city he was conceived in.  That's ok if you live in Sydney or Darwin. What happens if mum and dad bounced on the mattress in Wagga Wagga or Woy Woy, Bong Bong or Humpybong (yep! it is an actual suburb in Brisbane).  Even Mt. Isa.  You would have to spell it in full surely?  Mount Isa Jones is the kid's name?  Holy moly!

The ones that confuse me are the names where you can't tell if you are writing to a male or a female.  Neat example is Ari.  You write your nice letter, starting with the salutation 'Dear Sir', only to be mortified to find that Ari is a 'Dear Madam'.....ooops! It isn't a bad name, actually I rather like it!  Just confusing.  Once the name Lesley was for a girl, and Leslie was for a boy.  Now I am seeing Leslie used for girls also.  Another little twist!

Something I really get wondering about is when parents have to fiddle with the spelling of a name.  His name is Willyum.  Now either you have no education, or you are just trying too damned hard! Or they will add extra vowels into a name, just to be 'different' (read confusing) - and to make it extra hard for the kid to spell their own name.  Daayssee? That one made me go crosseyed!

The thing with the kid's initials is often overlooked as well - try Ellie Nora Veronica Young.   ENVY?  Really? How wonderful!  It is on a par with a name I saw in a really old Registration - Thomas Thomas Thomas.  I am not sure if the Registrar was deaf and the mum was yelling the name repeatedly, or if they really named their kid Thomas times three!   Poor Thomas.
Then there is the unexpectedly hilarious name.  A brilliant example is John Thomas whatever.  In our part of the world your penis is your 'john thomas'..... There must be many of these gems out there, all inadvertent, of course!

Ah well, what's in a name? Quite a lot I guess!  It is amusing to note that a couple will name their child with a strange or unusual name, so that their child's name will be different.  Only to find that dozens of other parents like the name and use it for their child as well!   Sadly, some American kids have been given bizarre names, such as 'Xerox' or 'Espn'.   Girls are saddled with such gems as 'Celica' 'Infiniti' or boys lumbered with names like 'Canon' (yep, after the camera) or 'Del Monte' (after the food company, of all things).

Hey! I named my kid after the Tequila worm!

Would you name your baby L'Oreal or Chevrolet? Other poor little girls have been named 'Unique', 'Lexus', 'Reality', 'Sparkle'.  Boys?  They came in for their fair share as well, with 'Timberland', 'Sincere', 'Gladiator', and other equally ridiculous names.
Just to leave you with some thoughts - an extract from a comment I found on the www, from a school worker:

"Courvoissiertequila (I say shame they can't spell)
Bluie                         (ditto)
Rollseroyce               (yet again!)
Remy Martin (no relation to courvoissier or tequila.)
Ashole (pronounced ashley, but odds are that kid is going to have some serious bullying issues.)
De'vil (pronounced Deville, but who does that to their kid?? his brother's name is Damien.)
aLexus (would be fine if spelled alexis, but noooo...)
.....and those are just the ones i remember off the top of my head.
All in all i just wish people would stop naming their kids over things they can't afford and what they were drinking when they got knocked up. celebrity kids are one thing- they're just hollywood brats who will never have to work for a living- but real-world kids are another. What job do people think their kid is going to get with a name that needs two apostrophes just to make sense? Is Dr. Courvoissier going to sound safe? President Rollseroyce? Attorney Quan'tayjhia'nierre? Principal R'reeyuanna? it's f*****g ridiculous."


"..her name was La-a, pronounced "Ladasha." Needless to say, we all wanted to slap her parents. "

There's a difference between unusual and downright horrible!

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